StrawBerriSky (6:18:28 PM): nate here
AssassinatorGirl (9:18:27 PM): nate
StrawBerriSky (6:18:32 PM): yo
AssassinatorGirl (9:18:30 PM): u ok?
AssassinatorGirl (9:18:48 PM): sara didnt say nuch abt wat connnie did
StrawBerriSky (6:18:54 PM): just laying on the floor drawing and writing poetry
AssassinatorGirl (9:18:54 PM): ah ya
StrawBerriSky (6:18:59 PM): connie didn't do anything
AssassinatorGirl (9:19:03 PM): wat happened then?
StrawBerriSky (6:19:10 PM): she said seh thinks she set the life insurance to 21
StrawBerriSky (6:19:15 PM): i knew i shouldn't have had my hopes up
AssassinatorGirl (9:19:18 PM): y would she set it to that
StrawBerriSky (6:19:30 PM): she said she doesnt' think i can manage money
AssassinatorGirl (9:19:31 PM): call your fucking aunt
AssassinatorGirl (9:19:40 PM): psh youve proven you can
StrawBerriSky (6:19:45 PM): my aunt has nothing to do with it, but she might know the legal terms of it
AssassinatorGirl (9:19:45 PM): yeah
StrawBerriSky (6:19:54 PM): but she doesn't know the exact details of mom's policy
AssassinatorGirl (9:20:10 PM): u should get it and read it, it concerns you you have a right to read it
AssassinatorGirl (9:20:27 PM): so u feeling bad? cuz you were saying you wanted to be away from people
AssassinatorGirl (9:21:07 PM): u pay more bills than connie, you can manage your money
StrawBerriSky (6:21:13 PM): mom said she's going to get me in contact with the agent
AssassinatorGirl (9:21:14 PM): good
StrawBerriSky (6:21:25 PM): i told her i have the right to know
AssassinatorGirl (9:21:25 PM): ya
StrawBerriSky (6:21:34 PM): so she can't really argue with that
AssassinatorGirl (9:21:38 PM): yeah
StrawBerriSky (6:22:01 PM): we talked about my dad about half the time
StrawBerriSky (6:22:05 PM): i don't even know why any of it came up
AssassinatorGirl (9:22:03 PM): aw
StrawBerriSky (6:22:11 PM): i know i didn't stir anything
StrawBerriSky (6:22:15 PM): cuz i'm completely avoiding talking about that now
AssassinatorGirl (9:22:14 PM): yeah
StrawBerriSky (6:22:24 PM): don't remember
StrawBerriSky (6:22:34 PM): she asked me if i loved her
StrawBerriSky (6:22:41 PM): and she said when i looked at her i showed no love
StrawBerriSky (6:22:55 PM): and i mentioned how when you guys dissed her and my brother i'd get upset and
StrawBerriSky (6:22:57 PM): that i used to not
StrawBerriSky (6:23:00 PM): that i'd go along with it
StrawBerriSky (6:23:40 PM): but that i don't want to hear it anymore
StrawBerriSky (6:23:45 PM): because they don't deserve that
AssassinatorGirl (9:24:35 PM): i wish you trusted me to comfort you too =/ our friendship's really changed a lot. i hope this school year i can find someone to hang out with, like how we used to every week, someone i can tell secrets to, be intimate with
AssassinatorGirl (9:24:59 PM): i feel like my best friends are people i met online, and that's sad
StrawBerriSky (6:25:12 PM): gotta get out more in person
AssassinatorGirl (9:25:13 PM): i do
AssassinatorGirl (9:25:24 PM): you're never around to notice that
AssassinatorGirl (9:25:32 PM): luckily kathy and i are kinda friends now
StrawBerriSky (6:25:46 PM): yeah it's good to be friends with people you live with
AssassinatorGirl (9:25:58 PM): i want friends that arent caught up in themselves
StrawBerriSky (6:26:10 PM): don't look at me then
AssassinatorGirl (9:26:30 PM): sara changed you a lot
StrawBerriSky (6:26:35 PM): i'm pretty fucked over right now
StrawBerriSky (6:26:42 PM): lol no she didn't
StrawBerriSky (6:26:44 PM): that's silly
AssassinatorGirl (9:26:55 PM): yeah, well you changed very dramatically ever since you became lovers
AssassinatorGirl (9:27:16 PM): and you put your lover before someone who was there for you for years
StrawBerriSky (6:27:25 PM): that's because i'm finally dating another girl and i feel more comfortable with being male-type
AssassinatorGirl (9:28:01 PM): you forgot about all your friends
AssassinatorGirl (9:28:05 PM): pushed them all away
AssassinatorGirl (9:28:14 PM): i can see you only want to be around her
StrawBerriSky (6:28:26 PM): i'll be with her the rest of my life probably
AssassinatorGirl (9:28:25 PM): it's sad, cuz i never ditched you for my bfs
AssassinatorGirl (9:28:39 PM): yeah, and after this year you'll never have to see me again
AssassinatorGirl (9:28:48 PM): you'll finally be rid of me
StrawBerriSky (6:28:57 PM): that's silly
StrawBerriSky (6:29:16 PM): we're still friends and i care about you
AssassinatorGirl (9:29:20 PM): doesnt seem like it
StrawBerriSky (6:29:34 PM): well i don't know why else i'd sit and talk with you for hours
StrawBerriSky (6:29:40 PM): about anyting iwas feeling
StrawBerriSky (6:29:49 PM): i don't do that with anyone
AssassinatorGirl (9:30:04 PM): that was something you used to do with me all the time, that was barely a sample of how tight we used to be
AssassinatorGirl (9:30:10 PM): last night
AssassinatorGirl (9:30:20 PM): and i was glad to have it
AssassinatorGirl (9:30:32 PM): but it just makes me sad because i see we'll never be that close again
StrawBerriSky (6:31:09 PM): well i have to say that people change..
StrawBerriSky (6:31:18 PM): i've split my ways with tons of friends
StrawBerriSky (6:31:21 PM): with oregon
StrawBerriSky (6:31:27 PM): and lots of stuff
StrawBerriSky (6:31:36 PM): that's how things work a lot
StrawBerriSky (6:31:39 PM): but we haven't split
StrawBerriSky (6:31:50 PM): we're going to be going our separate ways soon
AssassinatorGirl (9:32:46 PM): yeah, and you used to say how wed talk at least every couple days, and still be friends---we dont even do that now if we do talk itll be like once a year or something when im nto there bugging you to be like "HEY LOOK IM SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR FRIEND STOP OBSESSING OVER SARA AND FORGETTING ABOUT ME, YOU USED TO LOVE ME"
AssassinatorGirl (9:33:00 PM): im sick of feeling abandoned
AssassinatorGirl (9:33:33 PM): and i care about you but it's not returned, and that isnt healthy
StrawBerriSky (6:33:46 PM): if i'm not there for you anymore and can't satisfy your needs of a friend look for people who can do that for you
AssassinatorGirl (9:33:57 PM): i will, but i just want to know why i mean nothing to you anymore
AssassinatorGirl (9:34:08 PM): why did you choose sara over being my friend
AssassinatorGirl (9:34:47 PM): why am i the one that has to ask to hang out, and you are always asking sara to be with you
AssassinatorGirl (9:34:54 PM): you're with her like every day pretty much
AssassinatorGirl (9:35:04 PM): you have the rest of your life to be with her
AssassinatorGirl (9:35:21 PM): what about people like me and even sasha that you wont see as much after this year
StrawBerriSky (6:36:11 PM): a lot of times we're together we're trying to work issues out
AssassinatorGirl (9:36:39 PM): and i cant be of any support and you have to ignore me?
StrawBerriSky (6:37:00 PM): we've just both changed a lot
AssassinatorGirl (9:37:02 PM): you dont roleplay with me anymore either, you let her ruin your characters
AssassinatorGirl (9:37:07 PM): and kill them off
StrawBerriSky (6:37:17 PM): you're exaggerating
AssassinatorGirl (9:37:13 PM): i actually cared about them
AssassinatorGirl (9:37:31 PM): you havent changed for the better, unfortunately
StrawBerriSky (6:37:43 PM): in your eyes no
AssassinatorGirl (9:37:51 PM): i had low self esteem before, and i let you kick me around
AssassinatorGirl (9:37:58 PM): yes you were nice sometimes
StrawBerriSky (6:38:04 PM): kick you around?
AssassinatorGirl (9:38:07 PM): but it reminds me of how it was with my mom
AssassinatorGirl (9:39:08 PM): well you always took me for granted and you ignored me all summer, we probably got together maybe two times that it was just us, and only a few with sara or sasha or both around blocking me from you
StrawBerriSky (6:39:34 PM): took you for granted?
StrawBerriSky (6:39:59 PM): i'm a lot more comfortable with the person i am now on the inside
StrawBerriSky (6:40:05 PM): so if you don't like me, sorry
AssassinatorGirl (9:40:39 PM): i dont think anyone likes it that much, you're becoming a lot more self-centered
StrawBerriSky (6:41:10 PM): i'm self-centered right now because i'm tryign to discover who i am and am focusing on a lot of things with my future
StrawBerriSky (6:41:22 PM): you know there ARE times you need to concentrate mainly on yourself
AssassinatorGirl (9:41:23 PM): ya, so that makes it ok to ignore friends, right
StrawBerriSky (6:41:41 PM): if you're blaming me for things where no one should be blamed, that sucks
AssassinatorGirl (9:41:47 PM): what things should no one be blamed for?
StrawBerriSky (6:42:02 PM): if you don't like me anymore, find new friends
StrawBerriSky (6:42:06 PM): i'm not changing
AssassinatorGirl (9:42:19 PM): you never calling me? you ignoring me and ditching me for sara?
StrawBerriSky (6:42:35 PM): ditching means when i make a plan and ditch you
AssassinatorGirl (9:43:06 PM): ya, like when you slept all day at her house when you were supposed to hang out with me, you could have slept somewhere else
StrawBerriSky (6:43:19 PM): when i was drugged up?
AssassinatorGirl (9:43:19 PM): yeah
StrawBerriSky (6:43:31 PM): alright, you take the med and see how you feel
AssassinatorGirl (9:43:50 PM): so whyd you have to be with sara
StrawBerriSky (6:43:56 PM): apparently you don't know what i go through within myself
StrawBerriSky (6:44:13 PM): because i was too tired to get up and leave for a long time
StrawBerriSky (6:44:29 PM): i know you'd rather i be awake when i'm with you anyway
StrawBerriSky (6:44:34 PM): she doesn't care if i'm sleeping
AssassinatorGirl (9:45:03 PM): i used to understand, but it's like, you say you dont wanna be around anyone, or you're just sleeping, but then you go and be with sara even if you're sleeping you're still there with her and you let her try and make you feel better, which you never let me do
StrawBerriSky (6:45:29 PM): i opened up to you a lot last night
StrawBerriSky (6:45:34 PM): most of the time i don't need to talk to someone every day
StrawBerriSky (6:45:37 PM): about how i'm feeling
AssassinatorGirl (9:45:34 PM): you used to come to me with problems or when you were upset, now you go to her
StrawBerriSky (6:45:42 PM): i don't do that with her much
AssassinatorGirl (9:45:38 PM): you talk to her every day
StrawBerriSky (6:45:49 PM): not about my shittiness
StrawBerriSky (6:46:05 PM): she actually tries to talk to me about it a lot more but i don't want to
StrawBerriSky (6:48:31 PM): you and i are really different now, and that's ok to be developing into different people
StrawBerriSky (6:48:43 PM): and i'm sorry i'm not the person you like anymore
StrawBerriSky (6:48:48 PM): or the person that was with you all the time
StrawBerriSky (6:48:54 PM): and i'm sorry i don't really know you much anymore
StrawBerriSky (6:49:29 PM): as a person i don't think i can satisfy your needs, i can barely satisfy my own
AssassinatorGirl (9:49:26 PM): you still never explained why we never hang out together anymore
StrawBerriSky (6:49:46 PM): because it's not really the same because we're becoming very different from each other
StrawBerriSky (6:49:52 PM): sometimes it's actually uncomfortable
AssassinatorGirl (9:50:10 PM): i havent changed much at all
AssassinatorGirl (9:50:21 PM): i just care about myself now, thats it
StrawBerriSky (6:50:43 PM): i'm glad you care about yourself
StrawBerriSky (6:50:47 PM): i'm not like
StrawBerriSky (6:50:49 PM): OMG SHE'S NOT DEPRESSED ANYMORE
StrawBerriSky (6:50:50 PM): I HATE HER NOW
AssassinatorGirl (9:50:50 PM): you changed to obsess over sara and yourself i guess
AssassinatorGirl (9:50:53 PM): it seems like it
StrawBerriSky (6:51:16 PM): you should make plans with mike and for your future
AssassinatorGirl (9:51:15 PM): u only like depressede people so u can guide them to be how u want--it seemas like that sometimes
StrawBerriSky (6:51:24 PM): lol no
AssassinatorGirl (9:51:20 PM): i have
AssassinatorGirl (9:51:32 PM): we made all the plans already
AssassinatorGirl (9:51:36 PM): a long time ago
StrawBerriSky (6:51:59 PM): gotta have alternatives too in case something doesn't work out
AssassinatorGirl (9:51:56 PM): we dont have to go over it evry day to be sure like u and sara
AssassinatorGirl (9:52:01 PM): we do
AssassinatorGirl (9:52:09 PM): we arent dumb
StrawBerriSky (6:52:15 PM): actually i like people who like themselves a lot more, but when someone needs help i like to help
AssassinatorGirl (9:52:17 PM): just not obsessive
StrawBerriSky (6:52:31 PM): it sucks to hang out with people who just sit and mope, and i'm not saying you do
AssassinatorGirl (9:52:47 PM): well that's what sara does half the time
StrawBerriSky (6:53:03 PM): only when something's bothering her
AssassinatorGirl (9:53:01 PM): crying over not getting ice cream then feeling like shit the whole time
AssassinatorGirl (9:53:07 PM): yeah something's often bothering her
StrawBerriSky (6:53:13 PM): well like you said it's what makes her happy
StrawBerriSky (6:53:24 PM): and you said that mike went through it with you too
AssassinatorGirl (9:53:24 PM): she needs a therapist
AssassinatorGirl (9:53:34 PM): yeah but i was still able to be pleasant most of the time
StrawBerriSky (6:53:42 PM): we don't need to get into sara, ok
AssassinatorGirl (9:53:52 PM): and i didnt make every conversation about cutting
StrawBerriSky (6:54:08 PM): that's cuz he got pissed off if you did
AssassinatorGirl (9:54:09 PM): no
StrawBerriSky (6:54:15 PM): you always told me he did
AssassinatorGirl (9:54:15 PM): its cuz i have decency
AssassinatorGirl (9:54:22 PM): you get pissed at sara, doesnt stop her
StrawBerriSky (6:54:28 PM): you didn' twant to piss him off
AssassinatorGirl (9:54:26 PM): he got pissed if i persisted
AssassinatorGirl (9:54:32 PM): if i mentioned it hed just be sad
StrawBerriSky (6:54:41 PM): this is jsut getteing silly
StrawBerriSky (6:54:47 PM): point is, we're changing a lot
AssassinatorGirl (9:54:47 PM): you just dont care about me anymore
StrawBerriSky (6:54:53 PM): and i don't feel close to you anymore
AssassinatorGirl (9:54:58 PM): that's because of yourself
AssassinatorGirl (9:55:06 PM): you think you're too good for me
StrawBerriSky (6:55:11 PM): alright, i am to blame
AssassinatorGirl (9:55:09 PM): and you cant control me
StrawBerriSky (6:55:16 PM): but i'm totally fine with who i'm coming to be
StrawBerriSky (6:55:23 PM): sorry you're not
AssassinatorGirl (9:55:26 PM): yeah your family isnt either
StrawBerriSky (6:55:32 PM): i think you're very jealous fo sara
StrawBerriSky (6:55:37 PM): and that's why you're saying all of these things
StrawBerriSky (6:55:58 PM): i'm not good for you, so find friends that are
AssassinatorGirl (9:55:56 PM): i am jealous of her, but that's because you rub it in my face, always talking about her nonstop
AssassinatorGirl (9:56:04 PM): and you only hang out with her
StrawBerriSky (6:56:18 PM): it's cuz i love her and i want to be with her
AssassinatorGirl (9:56:21 PM): you said before you love stupid people cuz you can control them
StrawBerriSky (6:56:30 PM): LOL no i didn't
StrawBerriSky (6:56:33 PM): that' swhat my brother said
AssassinatorGirl (9:56:38 PM): yeah and you stopped lovign me, you only have the ability to love one person at a time a guess
AssassinatorGirl (9:56:42 PM): open your capacities
AssassinatorGirl (9:56:58 PM): your brother's right about that
AssassinatorGirl (9:57:02 PM): you did say that
StrawBerriSky (6:57:08 PM): nah
AssassinatorGirl (9:57:07 PM): that's why you liked jesse
StrawBerriSky (6:57:16 PM): well one time you said in the car, "i think i'm smarter than everyone else in the world"
StrawBerriSky (6:57:29 PM): and i was like
StrawBerriSky (6:57:30 PM): wow.
AssassinatorGirl (9:57:37 PM): well i am smarter than most people
AssassinatorGirl (9:57:53 PM): i certainly have more common sense
StrawBerriSky (6:57:57 PM): well you can think i'm some massive creature of intended dominance trying to herd every single person in the world, but you are SO wrong.
StrawBerriSky (6:58:17 PM): common sense to date someone who will never contribute to anything
AssassinatorGirl (9:58:19 PM): and emotional intelligence
StrawBerriSky (6:58:26 PM): common sense to think everything will work out perfectly with college and moving
AssassinatorGirl (9:58:43 PM): oh yeah, it's so bad to like people who appreciate life and arent doing anythign to detroy th eworld
StrawBerriSky (6:58:50 PM): it always bothered me when you'd cut in obvious places where everyone could see
StrawBerriSky (6:59:01 PM): lol it's about HELPING the world to become a good place again
AssassinatorGirl (9:59:13 PM): its so bad to love someone who doesnt OBSESS OVER FIXING PROBLEMS
StrawBerriSky (6:59:21 PM): if he wants to stick with a place that's becoming corrupt and just watch it get worse and worse
AssassinatorGirl (9:59:17 PM): that's the fault of humankind
AssassinatorGirl (9:59:36 PM): you try and fix problems before celebrating the good things
AssassinatorGirl (9:59:41 PM): so good things go unappreciated
StrawBerriSky (6:59:48 PM): i see many good things in this world
AssassinatorGirl (9:59:54 PM): he contributes to being a good person, and having kindness
StrawBerriSky (7:00:07 PM): and doesn't go out and spread it to others
AssassinatorGirl (10:00:06 PM): i never said it'll all work out perfectly
AssassinatorGirl (10:00:08 PM): yeah he does
StrawBerriSky (7:00:14 PM): so being a good person is usesless with him
StrawBerriSky (7:00:19 PM): lol he hasno friends
StrawBerriSky (7:00:21 PM): what are you talking about
AssassinatorGirl (10:00:19 PM): people coem to him for advice all the time tho
StrawBerriSky (7:00:39 PM): he shouldn't be one to give it
AssassinatorGirl (10:00:37 PM): friends are pretty stupid, hes right about that, emotional attachments with dumbasses is bad
StrawBerriSky (7:00:52 PM): lol talk about common sense..
AssassinatorGirl (10:00:51 PM): yeah he should, he's smarther than anyoen else
StrawBerriSky (7:00:59 PM): mike
StrawBerriSky (7:01:01 PM): is th e dumbest shit
StrawBerriSky (7:01:03 PM): i've veer herad of
StrawBerriSky (7:01:17 PM): and i can't believe your dad is just letting it fly
AssassinatorGirl (10:01:14 PM): um, yaeh you havent ever talked to him, you dotn know anything
StrawBerriSky (7:01:25 PM): all i've heard about him is bad
StrawBerriSky (7:01:26 PM): unless you say ilove mike
AssassinatorGirl (10:01:25 PM): mike respects other people
StrawBerriSky (7:01:36 PM): and never says a word
StrawBerriSky (7:01:42 PM): and is negative
AssassinatorGirl (10:01:39 PM): he doesnt impose his will on others like you do
AssassinatorGirl (10:01:42 PM): he isnt a control freak
StrawBerriSky (7:01:49 PM): lol
AssassinatorGirl (10:01:51 PM): he isnt perfect, but he's damn close
StrawBerriSky (7:01:57 PM): go bash me in your diary i don't need to hear this shit
oh boy, emotional woman, but wants to be a man. sad. doesnt ever want to admit she's wrong. she'll always be a little girl who is mad when she doesnt get what she wants.
she causes way too much drama.
and she signs off all angrily just because she has no idea
hopefully she'll get over herself, otherwise she'll be alone forever. |
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assassinatorgrls Journal
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